What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I will be naked everywhere
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
