Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize