Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
