Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
