Four minutes until I can fart!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
