Christians are straight up FREAKS
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
