he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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