i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this just has baby written all over it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
