I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
