I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
