this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
