Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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