Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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