We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
