I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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