Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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