new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
