Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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