i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
