I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.