So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.