I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.