My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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