dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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