how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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