Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."