if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
