there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
