She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
