i already hear my dad disowning me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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