Can i not drive my cunt home
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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