after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
