I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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