can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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