we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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