He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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