ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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