Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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