i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You smell like stripper and shame
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
