omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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