Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
