Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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