So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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