Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Alive.
So much puke
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
