I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
