Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just want to make out with him forever
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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