I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I will die if light touches me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
