piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
