i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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