i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Girls should come with a carfax report
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
