you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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