I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
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It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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