My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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