it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
