i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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