I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
