I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
