Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
