My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
smell my finger.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
