i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
