My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
