I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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