just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
