I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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