so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
