friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
