I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
