I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
