I'll bet she douches with gravy.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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