I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
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He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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