my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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