So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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