I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
