Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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